What’s my “Why?”

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Welcome to the 21st century, where it seems impossible to keep in touch with everyone in the family, coordinate with all your friends schedules, work a full-time job, save all your extra money, travel the world, get a college degree, set the foundation for a career, fall in love and get married (check… and pending…), start planning for a family, eat healthy the MAJORITY of the time, follow a fitness routine habitually, get enough sleep every night, see your fave artists/bands in concert, read self-empowering books, support causes that are close to your heart, keep up with the world news, plan for all things “future” AND appreciate each present moment.

Anybody else enduring this struggle? 

To be honest, I have some thought relating to each of these things every single day. It may seem like a lot but that’s just a glimpse of it all. This brain does. not. stop. Nobody’s really does but sometimes it’s just a bit much. I am a planner. An over planner. I’m also an overachiever. Not with the intent to be better than anyone, just to do and be MY BEST. I plan every detail about what I should be doing and if I follow it and achieve my goal, it’s an overwhelmingly beautiful feeling. There are always bumps in the road but I seemingly curve my plans to make everything work out.

This was just not something I planned for… at all. 

You know when people message you about some business they just started and your first instinct is to ignore them? Why is that? What is it about someone being excited about a new journey that makes us scared or annoyed of them? Maybe you’ll even get a second message from them and this time you just say “not interested” or “I’m too busy” or “I have no money to start something like that”. Why is that? What is it about making an investment in YOURSELF that someone else is so joyously offering up to you that makes you want to distance yourself from them? You may even get a THIRD message from them but this time, at this moment, you’re curious as to what it really is that person is talking about. Why is that? How does time make such a HUGE difference as to when something becomes appealing to you? Think about it. Are there any foods or things you used absolutely HATE or LOVE and now it’s the exact opposite. Mine is tomatoes. Used to take them off of or push them away from anything else I was ingesting and now they seem to go well with just about everything. Another? I used to think teeth were cool. I’d get so excited when I would get a loose tooth so I could wiggle it and pull it out myself. You name a pulling-your-tooth-out trick and I betcha I tried it. Now? ABSOLUTELY DO NOT EVEN SHOW ME A GLIMPSE OF YOUR WIGGLEY TOOTH OR I WILL CRINGE. I have no idea when it happened but my poor future kiddos will not have their mama helping them with that business – that will be dad territory. 😉

ANYWAY, the thought of “timing” started to sit in my mind and when I received the THIRD message about this business, I decided now was a good moment to start this experience. I am working full-time and still barely making ends meet. There isn’t a whole lot of “extra” that I spend my money on – car insurance, car payment, phone bill, utilities (water, gas and electricity), and worst of all… RENT. And of course this is aside from the necessary gas and food and ya know, any extracurricular activities with family, friends or just to treat yourself. I’m about to start school again. I’m aiming for a promotion at work. I’m getting into a healthy routine for a strong heart and body to prepare myself for a baby. BUT I want to travel with my best friend. I want to own a home for our future family. I want to be a stay-at-home mom someday. I want to get my nails or hair done regularly. I want to selflessly donate to charitable causes that I am passionate about. AND I want to do all this without the guilt of getting over drafted in my account.

THIS CAN DO THAT FOR ME! So far, I have met (through social media) a whole ARMY of people who are supportive, nonjudgemental, incredibly helpful with all my questions (and there have been MANY), grounded in what they believe in, accepting of all backgrounds and lifestyles, and FULL OF GENUINE LOVE! Not to mention the products are plant-based and SO gentle on the body. I love that. Our bodies are our sanctuaries and they need fuel and strengthening to perform at their best. Health isn’t just a physical appearance thing, it’s a LIFESTYLE. It’s what is going to get you to your future plans and goals. Right before I signed up, I did not have the support I expected/wanted and it absolutely tore me in half. Part of me wanted to say “Never mind, this is a sign that I will fail and the Universe would make this easy for me if I were supposed to do it”. But really? Really, Erika? When has that EVER proven to be true? If there is ANYTHING in my life that I’ve learned, it is that I fiercely bloom after the most mountainous of challenges. I mean, I stopped breathing when I was a week old during my heart surgery but here I am today. If that isn’t a sign that I was meant to do something great then I’m not sure what is. Truth is, I can feel it in my bones, as weird as that sounds. There is just something in me that makes me feel like something glorious will come of this lifetime and this journey will prepare me for that – whatever it may be.

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Whether or not you want to enforce health into your lifestyle, make a second income without sacrificing your current days off/free time, turning that second income into a six-figure income and quitting that full-time job or just wanting to join a supportive group of people who want nothing but happiness and love for you – let this girl know. Even if you just have some questions about the products or business. I can promise that I will be honest with you. If there is anything that I don’t know, I will ask someone who will know and get you that answer. If you are not interested, that’s okay, too! Saying “no” will not detour our friendship in way, shape or form. Trust me, I am rooting for everyone to be successful in their lives – whether we are close or not. There is too much negativity in this world to be rooting for anyone’s failure and I truly believe we are all here to make a difference. Whether that be to the world, a community, an organization, a friend, a family member, or a complete stranger. You never know who you are impacting in your day to day life. Just a simple smile can enlighten someone who is having a bad day. A genuine compliment can raise someone’s self esteem. A selfless act can restore someone’s hope. I want a business of my own. I want to show that genuine love and empathy is not to be forgotten. I want to be impactful in some big way. But for now, I am going to follow this journey and take in the experience and I am here with an open heart for anyone who wants to walk this journey with me.

B A B Y  S T E P S . . . 

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The Relationship That Taught Me “Love”

These are my grandparents. Ronald Dale and Carol Lehman Moon. Yes, they’re adorable.

Let me just start off by saying that THIS is what I have always known love to be and THIS is what I always wanted to find for myself in life. These people have been in love for 58 YEARS. Lived together for 58 YEARS. Had adventures together for 58 YEARS. Made decisions together for 58 YEARS. Raised a family full of children and grandchildren for 58 YEARS. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY… and incredibly admirable.

I am very close with my grandparents. Anyone who knows me well, knows that they are ALWAYS at the top of my mind and the bottom of the heart. They have taught me so much about understanding, forgiveness, STRENGTH, admiration, passion, AND LOVE, OF COURSE. Truthfully, they weren’t always my biggest fans. Before I was born, they dis-owned my mom for having me out-of-wedlock and wanted nothing to do with either of us. It’s a much longer story than that but they’re old school and my “father” left before I was even born… so, they were worried about their daughter and what their small town neighbors would say about it. Luckily, my mom was stubborn as hell and already loved me with everything she had. But who am I kidding, everyone in my family is stubborn. When I was born with a heart defect, all angst was dropped. So, aside from the immense amount of consequential stress, it was a blessing in disguise for bringing my family back together and creating an undeniable bond between us all. They helped take care of me whenever they got the chance and as we’ve all gotten older, I can’t help but do the same for them.

In 2015, our family really wanted to do something for their 50 anniversary but my grandma was a little busy going through breast cancer. Now don’t worry! This isn’t some sad story because it’s actually quite remarkable. She had gone through uterine cancer first, 10 YEARS AGO AS OF LAST WEEK!!! I honestly don’t remember a lot of that going on because I was in my early teen years and my relationship with my grandma had not hit its’ peak yet. When she got breast cancer in 2015, it was a little different. I was a college student at University of Nebraska at Omaha and living in the basement of my moms house. This cancer hit my grandma a little harder. Hard enough that she needed to come and stay with us for awhile until she felt capable of doing things on her own again. We didn’t have a big house with extra guest rooms or anything though, so she slept in the basement with me. I gave her my bed to sleep in and a few drawers of my dresser and I slept on the pull out couch on the other side of the room. The moment we would both agree brought us to another level is when she asked me to help her shower because it was too difficult with her battle wound stitching. I could feel how ashamed she felt even asking me for help. Most people would find that uncomfortable and awkward, and in a way it was, but it was also very innocent, vulnerable and selfless. My grandma is one of, if not the strongest, lady I know – besides my mom – and all I wanted to do was be there and help her any way I could. If that meant helping her shower, so be it. Honestly, I tear up just thinking about it because it was such a scary time for her… and me… and everyone else, BUT her strength prevailed and got her through it all. Uterine cancer (10 YEARS CLEARED), breast cancer (5 YEARS CLEARED), tackled diabetes and a heart attack not long after. This woman is a FORCE.

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Now of course, I would never forget about my grandpa. For as long as I can remember, he’s had a Santa Clause belly full of ice cream and treats and has the most contagious laugh of all time. He plays piano as effortlessly as he does any other day to day activity, if not more. You can just see him light up when he starts gliding the tips of his fingers along the keys. For my generation, it’s like comparing it to learning how to type on a computer. You probably took a class or two when you were younger on how to type and now you’re a whiz, or at least decent at it, but it’s something you probably do quite often. This man plays piano the way we text and type. It’s so natural, flowing and effortless and yet, captivatingly beautiful. He’s got more stories to share than you have pictures in your phone albums. He’s got a warming love for animals, a stubborn love for his family and a childlike love for ice cream. This is the man who let me dance on his feet when I could barely reach his shoulders, took me on my first, last and only motorcycle ride (against my moms’ approval 😎✌️), taught me how to drive out on country roads in Harlan, Iowa, and shared so much family history with me. He’s multi-talented for sure, but I think his greatest skill (that my grandma shares, as well) is the ability to seek your light with their eyes. It just so happens that his eyes are the lightest color of blue… ever. So, you can’t help but be engulfed in whatever he’s saying – and if you aren’t, he’ll make sure to get your attention so that you do. All in all, this man has been through so much and has a lot to share about his life. Good thing this granddaughter is always ready for a snack and a story. Or three.

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I never seemed to understand my generation of dating. The online chats, the apps, the one night stands, the games. I know everyone has a different kind of personality, social ability, mental aspect on how these things work but I just knew that it wasn’t going to work for me. I needed something personal, thoughtful, forgiving, understanding, passionate, empathetic, adventurous, exciting and just plain fun. It may sound like a lot but honestly, that’s not even setting the bar too high. I feel like society wants guys to be macho and make all the money and not have emotions. Then girls are supposed to just “do what we can” and be with whoever wants us. Well, I think not. Men – you can cry sometimes. It’s called being human. If your lady makes more money than you do, then sweet. You got yourself a sugar mamma. If you watched Gossip Girl and ended up falling in love with Chuck Bass right along with your lady, then you’re a smart man. Ladies – it’s our time. Be a boss everywhere you go and hold your head high. That doesn’t mean you can’t have emotional days though, too. Again, we are all human. I think that is the best lesson I’ve learned from these two beautiful souls – is that the more deeply you feel, the more you are human.

I’m done rambling about how adorable they are (for now) but below are some pictures from their 55th wedding anniversary. I had them give me all of the information from their original wedding day and I found out the church was still open and they would be available for reservation on my grandparents actual anniversary date!!! HOW PERFECT!!! 🙌😍 So, I got the family together and had the best day, for two of the best people, who have shown me the best kind of love. ❤️

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I LOVE YOU BOTH TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOON AND BACK X MILLIONS.

Valentine’s Day

Well, here I am writing on Valentine’s Day because I actually have absolutely nothing to do. While I am sitting on the couch with my cat (Kovu), in the clothes I worked out in an hour ago (they’re comfy and NEW and I’m just not ready to take them off), cocooned with a queen size blanket that is SO soft and cozy, watching Law and Order: SVU (Olivia Benson has molded me into the detective I am today), I am just thinking… I am really happy.

What is all the hype about Valentine’s Day? Why does the middle of February have to be the time to buy over-priced roses and tons of chocolate – RIGHT AFTER everyone has committed to getting back into shape?! Even if they had already fallen off the wagon a couple times since the new year, but that’s not the point. I mean, I remember the excitement about it when I was a child and I understand how much fun it can be if you have children around, but other than that, I think people forget that it’s just about love. Not being showered with love. Not posting about all the people you love. Just fully engulfed in the feeling of love.

Love for your grandparents. Love for your parents. Love for your siblings. Love for your significant other. Love for your cousins. Love for your SO’s family. Love for animals. Love for places. Love for nature. Love for moments. Love for memories. But most importantly, love for yourself because you cannot love anything else to your full extent until you do.

Now, I promise you I’m not some bitter lady about this day. I’m not protesting however people spend their Valentine’s Day. To be honest, I got wine and chocolate and flowers last year and I absolutely LOVED IT. 💕 This year I got flowers and chocolate and money… cause that’s how adult relationships work when you live and pay bills together before you’re married. Everyone does things differently and our way just happens to work best for us. That being said, no way is wrong. I just wanted to send out a friendly reminder that you don’t have to be in a relationship to be in love. You can be in love with so much. Let yourself be one of them. ❤️

I Almost Got Kidnapped… X4

Yup. You read that right. I’ve been almost kidnapped four times in my life. Twice as a child and twice as a young adult. No wonder I’m such a paranoid wreck, although, it certainly heightened my eye for detail. HOW COULD IT NOT?! 

The first time, I honestly don’t remember but my mom sure does. She was on the front porch but for some reason, the man in whatever van/dark car/creepy kidnapping vehicle, probably didn’t think this tiny, caucasian, blonde-haired and blue-eyed lady was in any way related to me – a long, straggly, light-brown, dark featured girl. Apparently, he pulled up and started talking to me while I was in the yard and when my mom stood up on the porch and made eye contact with him, he drove off. FAST. Now those are some Mama Bear skills. I was probably four or five at the time so I truly don’t remember a single detail but I know I must have been REAL cute. 😉

The second time, I do remember. I was somewhere between eight and ten years old and I was riding my bike up the street from my house (completely different area of town than the first house) when this man pulled up behind me in a creepy van and I heard him slowing down. He initially asked me if I wanted to race him up the hill and I said no. OBVIOUSLY. You think I’m going to let you get me further away from my house so you can snatch me up?! I started to turn my bike around and I remember him getting a more serious but pitiful tone of voice and asked if I’d help him find his lost dog. OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK, BUDDY. I mean, COME ON. Besides asking if I wanted candy but I guess I was too old for that one. Again, I said no and raced my little blue bike home – with all 10 of its’ gears on the handle, that I had no idea what to do with – and I closed all the windows and locked all the doors and told my mom right away. Of course, I continued to peer out the window to see if the van would cruise back around again so I could grab the license plate, but no such luck.

Now the third and fourth time, I was a full-blown adult. Well, a young one. I was a student at Columbia College Chicago and one time was within my first few months of classes and the second was a year later, BY THE SAME MAN. Although, he didn’t remember that he had already spoken to me. Luckily, I did. The first time, I was walking to my 8:30AM yoga class that was about 10 city blocks from my dorm building. I say “city blocks” because if you think the blocks in Chicago are similar to what I was used to in the city of Omaha, Nebraska… yeah right. They are at least double the area. Anyway, I was walking to class and this man was crossing the street in the opposite direction I was going, only he stopped mid-way and started following me to the next corner where I was waiting for traffic to stop so I could cross. I could feel my anxiety building up because I had seen him turn around when I passed him. He said “Excuse me, I just had to stop you because you are so tall and beautiful and I was wondering if you do any modeling? I work with a modeling agency and I am meeting some clients at the Water Tower Mall this afternoon and I’d love for you to meet with us! Are you from around here? Do you know where that is? Could you get there by 1PM today? This really is an opportunity you don’t want to pass up on.” Honestly, if you got anxious reading that, you don’t even know the half of it. First of all, I get incredibly nervous when people talk quickly at me, especially when I’m already feeling weary of them. I told him I needed to get to class but he asked for my number and I almost gave him the full thing but I switched the last two numbers last second. I was trying to think quickly on my feet but I’m also a terrible liar so, that was the best I could do. I asked if he had a business card and he pulled out this sad excuse of a card and snatched it from me when I asked if I could keep it, saying it was his only one. This guy was about 5’6″, African American, wearing a blue suit and some ugly brown shoes that did not go along with any of his attire. When he pulled out his phone for my number, it was a completely cracked blackberry. Please tell me who in the year of 2014/2015 still had a blackberry?! For some reason, my gut was telling me that everything this guy was saying was complete bullshit.

This leads me to the next year – same guy, same story – only he didn’t remember that he had stopped me the year before with the same shpiel (however you spell that, pretty sure it’s not a word cause I just asked Dylan to look it up for me… I just like the word). I was walking to class, many blocks from where he had stopped me before but still in the campus area. Again, he said “Excuse me, I just had to stop you because you are so tall and beautiful and I was wondering if you do any modeling? I work with a modeling agency…” By then, I had checked out of what he was saying because it was far too familiar. I examined him and when he got around to asking for my number he pulled out the SAME BUSTED BLACKBERRY. At this point, I cut him off and asked what his company was called and if he had a card. He pulled out the SAME BUSTED CARD, TOO. This time I got smarter and just got out my phone and took a picture of it. I handed the card back and said I needed to get going because a friend was waiting on me… I didn’t, but I figured he would be less likely to try anything if someone was awaiting my arrival any minute and would get worried if I didn’t show. Honestly, it just came out. As I walked away, I started googling anything I could find about this company “KCCI Photos”, written on the card. All I could find was some random weather station in Iowa. Tell me what photography/modeling business would not be online. And (see card below) how dated and obscure is this card?! I honestly didn’t know who to tell and within the next 48 hours, I received a campus-wide email detailing a man who was about this guy’s height and build, saying he worked for a modeling agency and trying to get women to meet him privately. Oh! And that the business was being traced back to a kidnapping and sex trafficking ring. HOW FREAKING SCARY!!! I had encountered this man twice in the last year and all I hoped for was that nobody from my campus had fallen for his tricks. He was a snakey guy and he talked quickly and asked questions in an interrogative manner. It would honestly make anyone feel weary but some people crumble under those conditions so I tried to remain positive.

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I suppose the best lesson I learned from the near kidnapping experiences, at least the adult ones, is that if your instincts are telling you something… LISTEN. DO NOT feel guilty for turning someone down. DO NOT give weary strangers access to contact/harass you. I feel so many people, but especially women, are subject to go along with things they don’t want to in order to spare someone’s feelings. Well, as it is important to try to view things from another’s perspective, it’s even more important to follow your intuition if that other perspective seems at all deceitful. You remember we were all taught as children not to talk to strangers. Right? Obviously, as adults we have to but you still have to be smart about it. I wish I would have said something about that guy in Chicago but I know now to be SPEAK UP. This is an issue that should never be pushed under the rug. Interstate 80 runs through the majority of the midwest (see link below) and it’s absolutely terrifying to think about what’s going on out there and so many other places. I urge all my family, friends, acquaintances, and any other girl or guy that follows me on any sort of social media – BE SAFE. BE SMART. BELIEVE IN YOUR INTUITION.

http://fox42kptm.com/archive/sex-trafficking-in-nebraska

Life Update – 2.6.18

Well, I’m sure my many followers have been wondering what I’ve been up to and what’s been going on in my mid-western, above average life. Besides my full-time job, my fleeting motivation to continue working out because it’s too cold and I just want to hibernate until Spring, and my deep desire to eat healthy but lacking will-power when faced with sugary and savory goodness… I have made a GIANT life choice and decided to go back to school.

Let me just start with this… AHHHHH?!? What am I doing? I don’t know. You tell me.

To be honest, I hated the idea of going to college before I even started. After high school, I most wanted to get to work and save up money to get a jump start on a career before going to college. My parents said, “yeah, nope.” Not sure why else I didn’t want to go, just didn’t want to feel like it was being forced, I guess. Therefore, I was forced to go to the University of Nebraska at Omaha right after graduating and honestly, it wasn’t bad. I didn’t mind that I had to park miles away because the walk through the city park was actually quite peaceful, during the day anyway – wouldn’t catch me walking through there at night. Nope nope nope. My first semester, I studied psychology and spent most of my time with the same choir crowd I was friends with in high school. We ate lunch together every single day, walked the campus to our classes dropping off friends at different buildings as we passed them, but I’m sure you can see where this is going. Something happened between myself and another girl in the group (which to this day I could not tell you what exactly happened) but something I did upset her and instead of talking to me, everyone else got the juicy details. All I know is that it had something to do with me talking to her boyfriend… even though I HAD A BOYFRIEND. Ya know, the normal girl drama. Well, I don’t deal with girl drama and I certainly was not doing anything shady and if anything was brought up to me, I would have handled it better than that. So, my next semester I had no friends, ate lunch alone every day and mentally had checked out until I eventually checked out physically and stopped going altogether. I know that sounds so dramatic, and it probably was BUT I am a very social person and as many humans with emotions, it hurts my heart to know someone is mad at me and won’t talk to me about it. Honestly, it consumes me. It took me forever and a day to get over that, but there I go being dramatic again. I never blame anyone for my lack of motivation during that time but when my first semester is all A’s and B’s and the next semester I fail two classes… I just wish I had done a little more self reflection during that time.

So, since things weren’t really working out for me at UNO, I transferred to Columbia College Chicago. Quite the switch, huh? I’d like to think I didn’t just apply because my boyfriend (at the time) did buuuuuuut… that’s definitely what I did. Honestly, it would have given me more time to learn who I was if I had stayed and definitely would have saved me some big dollars, BUT I got in and we just went with it. What a genius idea. I did meet some pretty amazing people though and not many of my peers have lived in a big city, like Chicago. It’s nothing I regret, it was just definitely a learning experience in more ways than one. There I studied fashion photography and sign language. Quite random but you’ll find my interests are as scattered as my brain. Chicago was a fun place to go to college and make new friends from all around – New Jersey, California, Michigan, other areas of Illinois. The city streets were our campus and the historical parks and buildings were our playground.

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Unfortunately, a big city like that doesn’t come without its’ cons. Literally on every other corner. Loonies walking up to you at any time during the day or night but don’t worry, I only almost got kidnapped twice. BY THE SAME MAN. ONE YEAR APART. That’s another story though. I guess it’s a good thing I’m one of the most anxious people on the planet, so I’m incredibly aware of my surroundings and I have a ridiculous eye for detail. This school actually changed my view about college until I moved back home because, as surprising as it is, it was ridiculously expensive living there. That is until I went back to UNO and fell right back into my slumpy ways until I quite altogether… again. Way to go, Erika. 

SO, that brings me to now. My future husband (okay, he’s my boyfriend but we both know we will get married in the next couple years… I just like to drop hints) is going to be graduating this year. HOLY HECK. Seriously. I am already beyond proud of him and admire his school/work ethics so freaking much that I want to be just as stressed out and sleep-deprived as he is. Also, my best friend since 7th grade just became a nurse. HOLY HECK. Seriously. So freaking proud of her. I told everyone that I work with, even though they don’t know her.

Everyone is just working so hard towards something and I know I work hard and have intentions of even being promoted in the next few months but there’s more to me than just that. I am more than just a worker-bee. I truly love people but I understand them differently than most. I also dream to have a job that keeps me financially stable, as well as, fulfilling my personal goals of helping people mentally and emotionally. Now, who knows what I’ll actually be when I grow up but I decided I’m going to start with majoring in business management and minoring in sign language. When I told my mom that I was officially going back to school, one of the first things she reminded me is that my father (although, she called him my “DNA”) had excellent math and business skills that clearly passed onto me but he never utilized them. Neither of us have any hastiness towards him, if you can’t tell. So, I have a meeting set to tour the campus of Metropolitan Community College next week and get more information about the classes and when I can get started.

Some people I know are still in college, some are about to graduate, some just started, some are going back like I am so, ANY ADVICE? Most/Probably all of my classes will be online because I can’t quite afford to change my work schedule or take classes during the day. Honestly, this will give me something to do during these winter months while I continue to hibernate but when the weather gets nicer, I’m sure my availability will stay scarce but I’ll come out from hiding once in awhile. I am doing this for real this time and I am going to complete it.

Third times a charm, right? 

Things That Motivate Me:

  • My Heart Surgery

I believe everything happens for a reason and why would I survive a rare heart condition if I didn’t have some type of gift to share with the world?! Even if that gift is just to share my story. Truly, this is what I believe of all people. We all have a purpose here – many purposes, in fact – and our life journey is to seek out what fulfills us the most and what fulfills others through us the most.

  • My Immediate Family

Specifically my mama, grandparents (on my mama’s side) and the siblings I grew up with. I want them to always be proud of me. I want them to know that I’m always proud of them. Someday, I hope to honor them in a big way because I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them. My mama had me when she was 25 and I am nearly there myself, which is CRAZY to think about. At the time, she was single, working as a nurse in a hospital and her whole family had basically disowned her for having a baby out of wedlock AND with a man who had already left her. The emotional and mental endurance of this woman is UNIMAGINABLE. Me being born was a pivotal moment for my grandparents and I am so thankful that they left all of their differences at the hospital door so they could be there for both of us. I don’t think my heart would have been as strong as it was to keep me alive for a week before surgery without the strength of their genuine love surrounding me. To this day, my grandparents and I are closer than ever and they truly mean the world to me. My siblings, well, they’re all still kids in my head but in real life they’re driving around and about graduate and becoming adults and it’s WEIRD. I truly love them so much though and I know they look up to me and secretly think I’m cool… even if they don’t say it much…

  • My Father/As My Mother Calls Him, “Sperm Donor”

I hope that one day he realizes how much he lost by treating me the way he did. Well, by leaving. Honestly though, it was the best thing that could’ve happened for my mama and myself. He left before I was born and wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. We spoke for about a year when I was a bit older until I realized how often he would be disappointing me. He was invited to my last show choir performance, my last dance recital and my graduation/graduation party. Let’s just say he was fired for too many no call – no shows. I don’t wish anything awful on him EVER in life. I just want to prove to him that my life isn’t as much of a burden as he may have thought. I am the kind of person who is thoughtful, motivated, works hard and carries my heart on my sleeve and he is given zero percent credit for making me the person I am.

  • My Significant

I hope to be your pride and joy. Someone whom you’d want the world to see because you believe in my power to be somebody worth knowing. I hope that you would want success for me as much as you would for yourself. I hope that you love me so deeply and effortlessly that there is never a doubt from me or anyone else that I am your person. These hopes will always and forever hold true for me because you are my person.

Things That Make Me Feel Peaceful

Amidst my blog entries, I have decided to add a few lists from this book that I’m working on in my spare time. The book is called The 52 Lists Project – A Year of Weekly Journaling Inspiration. To be honest, I’ve had the book for at least two years… yeah, I’m a go-getter… but it is sectioned off into four categories of lists – created to inspire you differently during the seasons. I  have done a few from each season here and there, but let’s be real, I have the attention span of a goldfish sometimes, so completing things like this is not my strong-suit. I’ve chosen a few that I HAVE completed so far and plan to include them in my blogging (which I also intend to do more routinely – like Moon Mondays? or ya know, something else dorky like that…) and as I do the lists more often, I’ll probably find more I’m willing to share. This list is actually from the fall section that I completed a few weeks ago but I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately (I’ve been sick and literally have had no choice but to sit in my own thoughts and feelings) so, here is a list of the things that make me feel peaceful:

  • Nature (Adventuring, Camping, etc.)
  • Starry Nights
  • When the Wheels of the Plane Land on the Ground
  • Watching the Sunrise
  • Watching the Sunset
  • Meditating
  • Listening to My Grandpa Play Piano
  • Lighting Candles
  • Driving with NO Music
  • The Feeling After Journaling Out All My Thoughts
  • Smell of Lavender
  • The Sound of A Heartbeat
  • Being in a Hot Tub
  • Listening to Ocean Waves
  • Being on a Beach
  • Being on High Land/Mountains and Looking at the World Below
  • Long Walks (Not on the Beach, But That Would Work)
  • Getting My Hair Done
  • Holding a Sleeping Baby
  • Being in Harlan, Iowa
  • Completing a Good Book
  • Fresh Manicure
  • Waking Up to a Day with No “Agenda”
  • Sitting Quietly in a Clean Home
  • Going to Sleep the Eve of Any Holiday (Or My Birthday – I’m a child)
  • Falling Asleep to Rainy/Stormy Nights
  • Making Snow Angels
  • His Morning Cuddles

TAKE ACTION: This week, challenge yourself to take a few hours or a whole day completely away from technology to instead do something by yourself that makes you feel calm and at peace. Let me know what you did and how you experienced it. I’d love to add more peaceful things to my personal list

You Ever Love So Much That…

You ever love so much that it takes over your mind? 

When you think back to the time when you realized that you were truly falling in love, did it happen suddenly? Was there one moment that you thought “A-HA! I’M IN LOVE” or did it take a few glances, conversations and/or subtle touches for it to truly sink in? Did you find yourself doodling their name on paper? Every love song on the radio reminding you of them? Thinking of their perfectly silky hair and their captivating eyes throughout the whole day? Creating the illusion of a casual run-in when you actually had a well thought out plan of seeing them because you knew they’d be there? Allowing them to think you’re always on the fashionable side – although you tried on 14 outfits before leaving the house and left the other 13 all over the bed and floor – even though you weren’t positive you’d even see them that day, just in case? Never making solid plans because of the slight chance they may ask you to do something with them instead? Imagining how it would feel to be in the arms of their hug? Spilling out all of your feelings for them in a text and then deleting it…? Spilling out all of your feelings for them in a text and then actually sending it?! Waiting for that reply while pacing around the room with your heart sunken into your stomach and immediately regretting your decision of even saying anything but then…

You ever love so much that it takes over your body?

How do you describe that momentous wave feeling that overcomes your body because the person you have feelings for also has feelings for you? When your heart feels like it may actually explode right out of your chest? Not only after you’ve exchanged feelings but for days, weeks, months, even YEARS afterwards? When the butterflies no longer just sit in the pit of your stomach but they seem to flutter throughout your entire body? When you see them and your heart physically skips a beat? When you are having the most miserably awful day and the moment you look into their eyes, you feel a sense of relief about everything else? How about when you get to be the air between their arms as they surround you? And when their heartbeat drifts you into another realm? What about when their feelings become your feelings? When you can tell something is up by the look in their eyes or by the sound of their voice? When you know that your souls have collided and NO MATTER WHAT… this is your person?

You ever love so much that it takes over your whole being?

When you’ve gotten to the point where “home” just so happens to mean the same thing as “together”? When you can read, not only their facial expressions, but their overall mood? When your scariest thoughts and your deepest fears wouldn’t scare them away for a second? Nor would your morning hair or breath..? When you plan for your future and their wants and dreams are not only considered, but a definitely part of the plan? When you not only fall in love with them more and more everyday but you also learn to fall in love with yourself more and more everyday? When they don’t allow you to point out your flaws because you are beautiful as the imperfect human that you are?

Life Update – 9.24.17

Well, of course it’s been forever since I posted a blog so I have quite a bit of updating to do…

I still live in the same apartment but it’s definitely more of a “home” now. This is the first time living on my own that I’ve put up decor and pictures and it’s SO FUN! Every room has a different aroma but it all feels cozy and warm. That being said, I have yet to get curtains or a dining table and I moved in last November. WHOOPS. I guess they just didn’t feel too necessary but they are still on the list. My boyfriend, Dylan, also lives in the apartment and I honestly believe that’s a HUGE reason it feels so much like a home. We have such a comfortable and respectful living dynamic and, as cheesy as it sounds, it feels like love truly lives here with us. Not only do we have immense love for each other and our home but we share our home with two frisky boy cats that are a solid 15 pounds each. They have some seriously attachment issues – or more so DETACHMENT issues – but we’d be lying if we said we didn’t absolutely adore them and treat them like our babies.

I suppose the largest life update would be my job situation. I quit working as a legal assistant just before Christmas of 2016 and accepted a job as a leasing agent right after the new year of 2017. I work for the company who owns the apartments we live in (so we get some solid benefits) but I actually work at a different property that they own. Honestly, I LOVE the job. I’ve always been such a huge fan of homes and interior design and getting to truly know people. So having a job where I can get to know people on a personal level and help they find a HOME means so much to me. Not only that but I’m also REALLY good at it. 😉 I’ve had residents bring me gifts (some gifts are for the whole leasing office but I’ve got some personally, as well), I have residents who will ONLY talk to me if they have issues, and I have residents who have my personal phone number in case they need me. Of course, selling the apartments is the main goal of the company but you also have to sell the community, the staff, and the compassion of the people the residents will see most often. There is a fine line between running a business professionally and being human and I think too many people don’t understand where that line may lie.

I dove back into my blogging recently because I am at this strange point in life where I can FEEL myself on the verge of something wonderful… I just don’t know what it is or how to get to it. I have peace in my home and my relationship, I have a solid job that I am excelling at, my family is around and supportive… now I just need my next step which I believe may be in the health and wellness field. I did just start up with a company but before I introduce it on my blog, I want to experience it come off the ground a little bit with my own efforts. I stand behind this company whole-heartedly because it’s not some quick fix type of company. It’s main focus is delivering individualized nutrition to people all of kinds to help shape their long term health goals. THAT’S SO POWERFUL TO ME. Especially, having a heart condition that keeps me from using so many products from other companies. Man… I said I wasn’t going to talk about it and it just rolled out like that. I honestly couldn’t stop myself and that alone should give you a hint of how passionate I am about it.

Alright well, you’re pretty much caught up with some of the major points in my life. Let’s get this blog going, for real this time.

OH YEAH…

Here I am.

Sitting in a coffee shop.

I honestly just came here to sync my phone and update my computer because I STILL don’t have wifi in my apartment, even though I moved in November. Truly, I don’t know how to organize my life well enough to have a blog. I started it for fun and because I was bored but there are so many things that I’m trying to accomplish on a daily basis while keeping my mental stability. It’s hard to document different parts of life when you’re so unsure of it all, so until I figure some things out, this will be placed on pause. I will update as I find the time, energy and spark. Thank you to anyone even continuing to read this pathetic paragraph… much love.